Domo Arigato, Mr. Oscar.

I need to just say right off the bat, I find Hugh Jackman utterly unwatchable. I know, I know, Sexiest Man Alive, blah, blah, blah...I don't care. He should have been immediately replaced by dynamic duo Tina Fey and Steve Martin, or the Mr. Roboto thanker, Kumio Kato. Immediately. It would have saved me the four minutes and change that I will never get back from the stinkhole that was that musical number with Lipsynka protege Beyonce. I could have watched Ben "Joaquin" Stiller and Natalie "I'm in with the Rodarte girls!!!!" Portman rip on the poor frog-seeing, non-acting musician for a few more hours (FYI, that line about the Hasidic meth lab? Perfect!.) It would have been much easier than sitting through Huge Hackman's awkward celeb audience member shoutouts and vocal stylings. He should stick to playing a wolf mutant for the kiddies and denying all of those rumors. Just saying.

Anyways, on to the good stuff! Here's what I noticed when I wasn't wincing at Hugh:

I don't get Jennifer Aniston's appeal. I never have. My brother tries to tell me things about how she's like a real woman, like a girl next door, but still, I don't get it. Don't know if I ever will. This mall prom dress that looks like it came straight off of the Cache rack doesn't help me get it.

John Mayer, if you want to explain it to me, to help me understand clearly, I'd entertain a discussion with you--as long as you were wearing your Borat swim suit. Otherwise, it's a no-go.

Sans Seventh Heven Jessica Biel is basically a famous reminder of the blessed existence of Justin Timberlake at this point, which I appreciate immensely. But, when she shows up places without him, I just cry. Unfair. Also unfair? Her absolute waste of an opportunity to look gorgeous. I mean women slave over hot treadmills to look like her, and then she wraps herself in an illfitting, sacky gown.

This dress absolutely had potential, absolutely. It is structurally interesting, looks unique, has this amazing black and white element, but the bottom doesn't fit. It looks like she deflated a little. Makes me think of a crushed toilet paper tube. How amazing would that dress have been if it fit her on the bottom? A little hug of the booty? Would have been very nice.

Get your rods ready (read the rest of this sentence before you jump to any perverted conclusions, ok?) because I declare open season on all fish tail dresses. I'm not a fan.

They are just unflattering on anyone other than a lithe 7-foot stunner and they make me so uncomfortable and nervous. I can't imagine walking in that. Waddle, waddle.

Kate Winslet was by far my favorite actress this year. Her performances in Revolutionary Road and The Reader were phenomenal and she's spent all awards season looking stunning. But, I do fear she got a case of the Jennifer Connellys last night. It's a sudden illness that leads gorgeous, talented actresses who have looked phenomenal at all other victorious awards ceremonies of the season to show up at the Mac Daddy event looking far less than stellar.

I would never not love Kate Winslet, and she's simply stunning and talented, but this dress is a do-nothing dress. It's not flattering, it doesn't showcase her shape, and it does nothing for her coloring. It's an eh. She's a wow. Shouldda been a wowee.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman made a bold head gear choice last night:

A beanie. To the Oscars. And, he wore it the whole time. What was the weather like in LA anyway? That's no temperature related choice, that's a statement of somekind. Oh, most talented actor, what are you trying to say?

Who hit Lisa Rinna with the x-tra large, maximum botox stick, and when? I mean I know she's looked very well preserved for a long time, but this is obscene:

Age, women! Age! It's ok. It happens. Jeez. I just averted my eyes from my own blog...

Actually, that picture made me feel a little cheap. Depressed. Ok, I'm switching gears. We are going the high route people! I'm taking my inspiration from Best Original Screenplay winner writer Dustin Lance Black, and using my powers for good instead of evil. Here are snapshots of what I loved:

Angelina Jolie's earrings were simple, green, splash-of-color perfection! That's the kind of accessory I like--strong, singluar, sensationsal.

Extreme close-up, huh? Earring porn!

Natalie Portman puts a little Pepto in her step, making a color my friend Sara affectionately refers to as "obnoxious pink," the brightest, most beautiful hue of the evening.

Nice tan, Ports. You look marvelous in your Rodarte.

Taraji P. Hensen' s ruby red clutch gets my Bangin' Bag award.

That splash of deep red against her gorgeous creamy gown is a yay. She was my second favorite part of Benny Button (Cate's amazing complexion was the first) and she looks fabulous.

Diane Lane, star of the sexiest cheat-on-Richard Gere movie ever, looked simple and gorgeous and should serve as an inspiration to mature women everywhere.

I love a nice thick lash with some red lips. So classic, so gorgeous.

Another makeup look I loved? Evan Rachel Wood.

I know, I feel like I'm cheatin' on my true love Dita, but what can I say, the girl looks good. Much better than in this photo:

There, Dita. You still win. Hands down. No question.

Speaking of Mickey "Ram Jam" Rourke--he was robbed. How can you witness a man wearing that much spandex and peroxide and not award him. I give him the best chiuaua charm award.

R.I.P. Loki.


I love this photo of the Slumdog Millionaire kids. They were so, so good in that great movie, and they look so, so great here.

Ok, I can't take it any longer. I need to confess my love for Tilda Swinton. I heard she has an open marriage, so this is my plea to join it:

Oh Tilda, I think I love you in so many wierd ways, but I think you'll understand because you seem to be weird, that's why I think it would work so well. I love your flair for unflattering yet strangely appealing sartorial choices. I love your ever-changing red hair color, I love your talented intensity, your phenomenal acting abilities, and I love, love, love your slightly unnerving alien-like physical features. I would love to see your home planet and be let into your universe. I'd worship you just as lovingly as Viktor + Rolf. What do you say?

You know what I say? I've had enough. It was great, ruby red carpet fun, but now it's time for it to be over. I'll hunt around and see the party wrap-ups and check in with you later. For now, feast on the plethora of sites you can access by clicking any one of the images above. Have fun!

Costume Drama

Just when you thought the excitement of NY Fashion Week couldn't be topped, here comes the Superbowl of Starry LA Semi-Sartorialism...the effing Oscars! I'm in the mood for a little glammy distraction from the R-word (rhymes with depression, causes ulcers, homelessness, and may theoretically be cured by economic stimuli), although I'm sure it will be mentioned even more than Kate Winslet's "new" Pilates body, or Rourke's comeback. Besides for the red carpet hoopla, I think it is every good fashionista's duty to close pay attention to our most relevant statue category, the one awarded for Costume Design.

Do you know who your noms noms are? Let's meet them, shall we...

Catherine Martin, Australia

Baz Luhrmann's go to designer (and wife) Catherine Martin is up for her first solo award in this category. Having worked on Luhrmann's other efforts, like super spectacles Romeo + Juliet and Moulin Rouge, Martin is an old pro at translating Baz's distinct cinematic energy into on screen wardrobe. According to Martin, Kidman's gorgeous, prim and proper gowns and get-ups were not her favorite, instead it was the military style horse back outfit she rocked for the cattle round-ups. Apparently Keith Urban has a thing for ladies in manly uniforms.

Jaqueline West, The Case of Benjamin Button

If you asked me, personally I would award Cate Blanchette's amazing, creamy complextion and beautiful red hair an award of their own, but they don't have a category for The Prettiest, Prettiest Girl yet so, I'll settle for knowing that the movie's costume designer, Jaqueline West is up for an honor. West oversaw Benjamin Button's time warp through different decades, locales, and ages. She used old family photo albums that she found online to trace how people maintained their distinct looks throughout decades of political and social transformation. Combined with images from visual artists of each time period, the real life references helped West handle the film's tricky logistics with grace. But, this was not her first foray into complex film land, the lady loves a challenge. She was responsible for the wardobe in Terrance Malick's The New World, where she dressed Colin Farrell and a huge cast of extras in authentic Native American/early settler garb. She's known for doing her homework, and the five months of research she did for Benjamin Button before she was even hired definitely paid off in the film's look.

Danny Glicker, Milk

Dressing Sean Penn in clothing that documented the transformation of a hippie-ish Castro photographer into a serious politician who ushered in the modern gay rights movement was Danny Glicker's responsibility in Gus Van Sant's Milk. His reverence for the dearly departed icon and the film's demographic's immense nostalgia for the era in depiction were catalysts for Glicker's award-nominated effort. He sourced his looks from actual photos left behind at Harvey Milk's Castro Camera Shop and the talented group of photographers and artisits who were part of the scene themselves.

Michael O'Connor, The Duchess

O'Connor's work on this film was that of a master of period piece dresser. The intricacies and fantasy behind days and costume customs of yore are always fertile ground for imaginative and historically minded film buffs. Depicting Duchess Georgiana Cavendish of Devonshire in the 1770s, was an exercise in indulgence and restraint. He tried to subtley suggest the grandiosity of the Duchess's fashion forwardness, while letting the details of the geniune garb speak for themselves.

Albert Wolsky, Revolutionary Road

I know costume dramas are shoo-ins for this category, but my money would be on Revolutionary Road, well if I had money to spare on such things. Revolutionary Road was a a period piece without the costume drama. In fact, the costumes were quite effortless in this film and made the emotion of the characters the driving force. Yet, the dresses, suits, hats, and such were gorgeous windows into each character's role, place, and ambition. I was a fan. Can you tell? And, Wolsky's excellent resume includes over 70 films. His experience showed in his ability to finesse the era of the '50s out of his materials in a subtle way. His work was visually rich but not cloying in any way. I see a gold man in Wolsky's hand.

And, let the show begin! Yay.

Click any image for source information.

SAG Surfing

I used to be an awards show junkie. I feel like a trader to my fashionista generation, but I'm now easily bored by the overhype of it all. I do love a good red carpet parade, but as I've said a few times before, there is something so predictable about awards show fashion these past few years. The so-done, so-perfect looks are pretty, but not so exciting. Plus, how many butt-kiss fests do we need for celebs? I say they should be forced to bring school teachers as their dates, or EMT workers, or maybe the maids at their hotels. At least to one or two of the bajillion shows. It should be part of their SAG contracts.

Anywho...the SAGs are actually one of my favorite shows of the bunch. There is a softer, more relaxed vibe that often translates into the dress choices on display. I'm really loving the 1930s/40s tailoring and classic silver screen hair and makeup that's the look du jour. Starlets abounded last night...


Rosario Dawson dazzled in a draped ivory column and ruby lips.


Kate Winslet's blue was beautiful and her makeup was glowing.


I have to say that Evan Rachel Wood looked good, really good. The Dita double is usually not a fave of mine, but I'm loving the purple purse and shoes and the firefly brooch, and that color? Great with her new red hair.


I love, love, loved America's dark red manicure. Vampalicious.


Angelina is stunning. I know, that is the obvious statement of the century, but it always kind of surprises me to see her and register that even in what at first appears to be a shapeless, navy, simple frock of a dress, she looks great. Then, she turns around and the sexiness just slides right down her tattooed back and rises from her red-soled, nude, arched heels. Very nice.

Ok, so all of the above commentary, while true and heartfelt, feels a bit canned. You'll probably see the same pics and comments on every fashion blog. While I was combing for SAG pics I found myself more interested in what was happening behind the starlets. Here's some of the backround bits that made my morning:

America gets the finger from some headsetted handler...


...and then gets the "Mmmm, I'd hit it!" overerbite look from some suit behind her.


Anne Hathaway classes up the redtie rent-a-tux in this frame. Nice matching cumberbund, man. Nice.


I think this is Julia Ormond, but honestly I'm too distracted by the Pink Caped Crusader behind her to really concentrate enough to tell. That is amazing!


You've gotta love a good Bat Mitzvah DJ Suit. White suspenders and a white tie against all black? What time is the "Electric Slide"? I never miss it.

There, now I feel better.

Photos from Getty Images and Just Jared.