Gear Up.

You ready for this?

First of all, Happy Holidays. Second of all, Happy After-Christmas Shopping Weekend!!! I'm plotting my plan of attack on the finer retail purveyors in NYC and I wanted to share some of my strategies with you, including my perfect Shop 'Til You (Hopefully Don't) Drop outfit. Here are my carefully laid plans:

1) Pre-shop.

I've perused every website of every retail outlet in the friggin' city. The big guns: Gap, Banana, J.Crew, Anthropologie; and the smaller guys. I've looked for three main pieces of information:
a) The extended store hours
i) Are they open at caffeine necessitating times? 5am? 6am?
ii) Are there various opening times for different locations?
iii) Are they offering time-related door busters?

b) The goods.
i) Do they have anything that I would risk a limb for?
ii) Are there items I may have never looked at because of my thin pockets?
iii) Are there already limited sizes and quantities on items I would want?

c) The deals.
i) Is this store worth my exhaustion in dollars saved?
ii) Are there breaks that are only online, or only in-store?
iii) Are there coupons and reduction combos that I can use to my ultimate
advantage for total shopping domination?


2) Be thrilled that it's raining.

Woman up, Ladies! I don't want to hear any bitching about some drizzle. Today the rain is your friend. It is what we hardcore shoppers (apparently I'm now part of a club with lingo...go with it...) call a "weeder." It weeds out the babies literally and figuratively. There will be no weak, whiny shoppers. There will be no mom's with strollers 'cuz their precious little ones would of course melt in the rain. Good! This is good! Let them stay home. Now, don't you even think of grabbing an umbrella. Don't you dare. Tough it out! You'll be inside most of the day anyway. You can get a disposable poncho with a hood, one for every walk between stores. Umbrellas will slow you down. A little sogginess never killed anyone, but not getting a great deal might have.

3) Choose your shopping partners wisely.

These two were a good match. Do you have your Wilma?

Oh, this is no time to humor the weaknesses of others. You need partners in consumption that are strong! Brave! Ready as you are! In all honesty, I say you'd do best to go it alone, unless you have a super ally (like my Ms. Blaire Walsh) who knows more than you do. Feel like you need someone to tell you what looks good? Someone to run purchases by? Baby! Make your own decisions! If you really need to, ask your fellow masses, your co-shoppers. They'll be plenty of them.

4) Dress to Agress.

There are only a few things to consider when you are getting dressed this morning:

a) Simplify: Now is not the time for snaps, buckles, things that wrap, or tie, or need
special buttoning. Keep all of your accouterments easy-on/easy-off.
b) Wear a fitting room: Here's my ultimate tip for avoiding time-sucking dressing
room lines--wear a layerable outfit. This means tights or leggings that you can try
pants on over, a tank under a cardigan that you can try other cardigans or blazers
on over. Wear peds under socks so that you can try on flats in a jiff.
c) Wear your rain boots. Ok, I know I yelled at you before for considering an
umbrella, but you don't want soggy feet, and rain boots are actually slide-
in/slide-out which makes 'em a fast option.


5) Fuel Up.

Don't forget to pack snacks. I'm not kidding. I can't tell you how many shopping trips have turned into torture sessions when my blood sugar dropped to snap-inducing levels. I'm packing energy-rich trailmix. Finger food. I'm also getting my caffeine on. Ain't no time to start that cutting-back-on-coffee resolution. Leave that for the New Year, you need your speed.

Ok. Those are my tips. Go forth and be brave, oh, deal-hunting shoppers. Be brave.